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Post by Misuer on Nov 5, 2016 13:27:30 GMT -5
Week Away - Chapter One
It is Monday. "I SAID NO AND THAT'S FINAL CORIE", yelled Coralies mother. Coralie got up from the living room couch and stomped towards her room, only to stop at the beginning of the hallway. "I REFUSE TO BE LOCKED IN THIS TINY HOUSE FOREVER" Coralie replied with booming volume. Coralies father interrupted the conversation, as he entered the front door. He came from a day of cutting trees, "Oh God" he said. Coralie gave him a dirty look, him knowing they were arguing by a meer look. "Flipper... you know tha-" he began speaking in a timid voice only to interrupted by Coralie. "I KNOW DAD, PEOPLE DONT LIKE US BECAUSE WE'RE FAUNUS... BUT YOU KNOW WHAT... MAYBE PEOPLE CHANGED." Coralie yelled at them and stomped off to her bedroom the rest of the way. "I can't deal with it Harrison... you're talking to her this time" Coralies mother said looking drained. "I know Caroline.. I know" Coralies father replied. Twenty minutes later... Coralies father stepped towards the room easing the door slowly. "Coralie... little flipper" he'd pushed the door only to see an open window and empty room. Coralies dad ran to the window and yelled, "FLIPPER..... CORALIE!". (End of chapter one)
Fun fact: Coralie is called flipper because when she was younger she flopped her ears around when laughing
(I MADE THIS THROUGHOUT MY SCHOOL DAY SO DON'T BE TOO HARSH) (I edited her personality from the time I sent in the application, most likely I'm editing her outfit to looking more Japanese ninja instead of her "trench coat" thing)
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Post by godsdeejay on Dec 20, 2016 19:56:49 GMT -5
I would suggest editing the first part of your story so that it's more spaced out. The words seem... Jumbled together. But otherwise, I cannot catch anything wrong with it right now. Good job. c:
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